the missing dress

 THE MISSING DRESS

 

 

 Being unorganized is not for the feint of heart. Not knowing where you put that bill that's overdue ... trying to find keys , earrings and shoes is a pain, but how do you lose a dress???? It has to be in the closet or the laundry... right? Ok , so I forgot about my luggage, I know... an organized person would have unpacked it all a month ago when getting home from the last trip! Nope , not there either... hmmm... looking through all the drawers was senseless, I would never put a dress in a dresser... hey, that’s a kind of an oxymoron isn’t it (a dress in a dresser/ could mean two things ,  kind of ironic, a play on words..ok all this is for my grand daughters benefit , she has taken to reading my blogs). So that elusive dress must be in ‘purgatory’ (this place is inhabited by millions of single socks from clothes dryers from around the world) along with all the other stuff I can’t find when I want it!!!

 

 I go to plan B and wear the dress I wore yesterday... see, I know where that one is , right beside my bed where I took it off , don’t you just love polyester... it  never wrinkles? Now why did this great material get such a bum rap in the seventies? Did you know that a polyester bathing suit will never die??? It’s true, I have one that I have been wearing for at least 10 years. This is my back up suit for the pool in my condo, which destroys every bathing suit I buy. The new ones last a couple months , tops, I go to the pool every morning for aqua fit class (ok... so it is me with my ipod and good intentions for a grueling work out) works for me ...insert smiley face here. This back up suit is a brand name Nike’ suit, the innards are shredded but hanging in there (they weren’t made of polyester) , the suit is still a deep blue and ugly as sin, but then no one uses this pool in the early morning so I don’t care. Now where was I....hmmmm... oh , right... I was looking for my dress... lol.

 

 I do write things down , on every scrap of paper I can find , sometimes if it is really important I will jot it down on the inside of the palm of my hand.(I do have some class... I would never write it where anyone could see)  but ...I did wash my hands a couple times and forgot.....ah well. Organized people (and you know who you are) really do need to have some compassion for those of us that lack your abilities. I have recently thought about this and have come to the conclusion that you must be a happier more contented lot, you get to have ‘guilt free’ leisure time.. and much  more of it as well!!

 

 For instance you would have that extra 10 minutes that I wasted looking for a dress in purgatory. You wouldn’t have spent an hour at the motor vehicles branch sorting out the lapsed insurance on your car and them trying to find where you sent that online payment to. You probly would have had that paper bill, in hand, with the amount on it! I know it was more than a thousand but less than twelve hundred...hmmmm (turns out it was 1108.00). Oh hell... what do you mean my condo insurance is lapsed too??? Well the upside is that everything will be due now in May , when I have access to my mail and a phone,  and not January when I am away in some other Country escaping these frigid winters.

 

 See... being organized has got to be what heaven is like, being able to find whatever you want whenever you want it... (wow, that was a powerful statement, even just writing it down) I can only dream! I really admire organized people and I sincerely mean it even if I do make fun of them sometimes...  I am secretly envious! Their  dress or pants will never see purgatory,  but the biggest bonus of all is when they have free time it is really FREE.... an unorganized person will never have that, because ...well you know why...

 

 Well looky here... I did find that elusive dress, it was at the end of my bed... the side I don’t sleep on, under some folded laundry (good thing it is polyester) that made it to the end of my bed...  but not into the drawers. Geeze... now maybe I will find that paper copy of my drivers license that needs to be renewed by tomorrow !...and why didn’t I take care of that while I was at the motor vehicles and insurance place this week ...dam....

 

 ah well.... guess I'll go meet my cousin at the farmers market , there is nothing here that can’t wait for another day.....

 

 

SUPPER ...TOES AND MARIJAUNA WOES

SUPPER... TOES AND MARIJAUNA WOES

 

 Wow... you have beautiful eyelashes, I tell the pretty young girl giving me a pedicure. Well they are extensions she informs me and I wonder what I would look like with all those lashes? I decide with my wrinkles that they would look more like a family of  spiders that got caught in a web, on my face. Ah well, I have other attributes ....hmmmm....lets see...  well I'm sure it will come to me...  eventually. Her name is the same as the colour of the dress I am wearing, with an E on the end... Teale. She is newly minted from esthetician school and the luck of the draw has her doing my pedicure, while the two other experienced gals get my daughters. I will try not to make her sorry she got the old lady that doesn’t shut up, and pry's into her life... and I'll also try not to make her ears bleed. My Mothers day gift is this all girls pedicure event after a delightful supper overlooking The Legends golf course in Warman.

 

   On the terrace at The Legends we put away our phones .. well one of us keeps hers on the table, but uses it sparingly. The food ordered , we each picked something different, we settled into our drinks. My two daughters (well one is a daughter in law... but I have decided to drop that moniker... it is unnecessary and feels foreign every time I use it, she feels like one of my own anyway.. SO ‘POOF’ IT IS GONE!) they  look really nice and have dressed for the occasion.

 

  My entrée is a ginger beef stir-fry with rice , it is fresh and has the ‘eye appeal’ sooo important with food, presentation is everything...  because if it doesn’t look good chances are you are not going to enjoy it much either. I ate the whole dish with my chopsticks ... even the rice, I am very proud of this accomplishment... no one notices but me... ah well. One daughter has the special which included the ‘made in house’ mushroom soup which she deemed so good she just wished there were more mushrooms in it, she would have loved it even more. My other daughter has the penne pasta which she deemed excellent. We discussed the menus and agree it would be nice if they could be a little more adventurous. I love my ‘Caesar ‘ drink served in a jar, it was spiced perfectly! ok... so I had two....yep... that good!

 

 The desserts were all made ’in house’ which is a treat because, as being caterers we know the desserts in most restaurants are not! We see them at the food shows and have ordered them ourselves  ...  we do have signature items... like our pineapple s’mores bars , the chocolate and caramel ponds and a sinfully delicious almond, butter cheesecake square. We order a warm apple crisp cobbler and a layered cake made along the coffee crisp chocolate bar theme. They were both good and I loved the layered cake! The meal at The Legends was excellent as were the drinks and the ambiance. We really enjoyed the whole experience and decide we have to eat here again .BTW breakfasts looked really adventurous!

 

 Back in my pedicure chair in The Dahlia Salon and spa in Martensville we are sipping wine (our own which the girls brought) and enjoying being pampered in our own private room. The girls doing our pedicures are very friendly and one of them , Dana, is a massage therapist and I suggest to Teale to look over at her and copy the massage moves she is giving my daughter. Well it is like this...  being over sixty, I am just brimming with unsolicited advice and wisdom. But I don’t know everything, and  I ask if anyone knows where I can get a marijuana seed.  Well honestly, you would think I just asked if anyone knew how to rob a bank... geeze! It is not like I am going to smoke it for crying out loud... I quit smoking nine years ago!! I just want one seed or two to grow one plant! I would maybe just use it to bake a few cookies or something as an experiment. Yes, I was a child from the seventies and did try it once but it was a non-event and now I am a little curious.

 

 Well these girls are reading me the riot act and are going on and on and I am doing my best to not do the rolly eyes and insist they must know where to get one lousy seed!! Then one of them says “well if you get caught with it (I don’t plan on dealing drugs for gods sakes!) you will have a criminal record... and won’t be able to go across the border!” This immediately gets my attention... ah well .... it is not like I was that serious about it anyway. It was just a casual conversation with a friend of mine, and we were discussing the merits of different relaxation techniques to relieve stress and aid sleeping. Guess the prescription hard core drugs will have to suffice..... sigh... it was only one seed!

 

  hmmmm I haven’t talked to my brother in a long time ... he had a whole garden of plants he inherited one time when he bought this house in Vancouver......

 

 

 

marilyn monroe and me

Marilyn Monroe died in her thirties and for some reason I thought that would be a good age to die... before you got too old.( I was sixteen ) When you are that young anyone over twenty is suspect. When I was eighteen I hit it off with a new friend, I asked her age one day and was shocked that she was twenty five! I remember thinking ... omg... she is OLD !

 As thirty came closer for me so did motherhood, and once you have a child , the most important birthdays will become theirs. Well meaning older people warned me to enjoy them because they will grow up too fast , why didn't I pay attention? They didn't tell me about regretting time lost or frittered away. If I had it to do again I would work less and play more (with my kids). To make up for our birthdays becoming less significant we now have a day all to ourselves called Mother's Day. That's a 'time out' day from what ever crisis is happening , looming or just passing. Enjoy it... milk it... savour it... it's only one day, make it count....

 Marilyns age came and went and I couldn't even imagine that I once thought that would be a good age to die! The thirties were a blur of working, raising kids, running my own business. I do remember getting close to forty and living my age, older by one year, than I actually was ... now how did that happen?? I was somewhat pissed about that but then again I got to live that year over again at the same age. 

Then came my forties ... omg... it was official , once in your forties your life is half over. Why were the forties a blur as well? Work and raising teens, now there's a job that will age you faster and take years off your life to boot! I actually went through a mini 'change of life' mid forties and painted the whole inside of my house. Dark green here , a russet colour there , bright yellow in the kitchen , orange downstairs... and I just didn't quit until I did the whole house, no wall was safe from my paint brush! Whew.... that felt so good... I would have knocked down a wall or two had I known how to. It still feels good when I think about it. (dark green became the rage three years later )

 The big five 0 was the most traumatic birthday of my life , the tears and the melancholy were almost unbearable. How did I get to be so old so fast? Where had the time gone... those older people were right, my kids were grown up already... and how did that happen so fast? Another strange thing was happening... along the way our parents were getting younger as we aged. Oh yes... we were catching up with them !My fifties passed while I was in a holding pattern. Life happened around me and I felt the best part of it was gone and something was missing. I was very unhappy with my life but lacked the courage to change it. Always working, not working was not an option and being self employed running a business is the hardest work of all... your job is never done.

Oh sweet sixty... I actually celebrated this birthday with a sense of relief. I was finally free of perceived hang ups and protocols and ... and... there are NO RULES when you turn SIXTY ! You are on your own, you are officially and old person free to express your opinion about anything and everything. You are free to be who you are, I really didn't care what anyone thought and I started to make changes in my life. The changes started off small... my outlook on life started to change and before I knew it , I was out of my holding pattern and charting my own course. I said goodbye to my marriage of forty years. Sold the family business to the kids, moved into a condo and started to explore the world. Today is the anniversary of my freedom, it is also my birthday. Now how was I to know , all those years ago, that my sixties was going to be the best time of my life? I am soooo excited for the year ahead.... happy birthday to me!
  
 

 

MAN WANTED... THAT NEEDS FIXING

 Wanted , a man to help spend my money while you keep yours to yourself. Someone that will say ‘lets take your vehicle ‘ so you can keep yours clean (on yukky days of course). I want someone that when I ask where should we go out to eat...will say ‘you pick -you pay’!....and when I let you pick it will be somewhere cheap.

 

 Must have lots of toys , way more than one person can drive , enjoy or play with .... cars , trucks, motorcycle's , boats, trailers of all kinds, (flat decks ... enclosed...open etc.) and be on the hunt for more....! Must be discontented with what you have because there will always be something else you want. Someone that will expect everyone to admire all his stuff and if they don’t they are ‘just  jealous’.

 

 I want someone that will say ‘wtf is this’ when I make rice as a side for supper instead of potatoes. Someone THAT WILL GRUNT when asked about a meal, and will  always  point out when the eggs were not done properly at breakfast.  I especially want a man that will never say thank you when I do all the cooking. Someone that will get really cranky when they are hungry is a bonus.

 

 You must be inconsiderate and selfish and always put your needs and wants first. Someone that will hate my family and make disparaging remarks about them at any opportunity.

 

 A man that makes alcohol a big part of their life, and cannot function with out it. When we go out to a dance or a wedding or party  I want a man that will proceed to get plastered then dance with every woman in the place except me. Someone that will embarrass and humiliate  me. When you do dance with me I want you to yank me around the floor and squeeze my hand so tight it hurts and when I complain squeeze it tighter!

 

I want someone that will ignore my tears when I cry , never hug me when I need it (never hug me period!) and someone that will forget what kissing is all about. A man that will never give a  compliment or say ‘you look nice’ is a bonus.

 

but most of all I want a man when asked if he loves me says...” well I sleep with you ... don’t I ?”

 

I also want someone that is prone to rages and will fly into one at any time over something long forgotten.  Someone that will make me wish that killing was not a capital offence, and suicide was not the only way out.

 

I guess I want someone that really hates me so I can futilely practice my skills at making them love me.

 

If you happen to be this man or if you know some one that fits this description please give them my number

 

1 800 SHOVE Off !!  Find someone else to ‘fix’ you.

 

 

 

 

dementia....a true love story

 
....did you ever have a fight that made you think about your marriage and if this is gonna work? I ask my frail aunt living with the debilitating symptoms of dementia. Well....it wasn't really a fight, but I did have a confrontation with him about his job once, she replied. My uncle had a great job working on the 'dew line' (a government position of defense) up north that required him to be away from home for long periods. He came home on one of his weeks off and I just told him he couldn't go back to work...she replied.. see...the kids didn't know who he was when he came home and I didn't like that, she continued. What did he do I asked? Well ...I think at first he didn't think I was serious but we didn't fight about it because it was a fact and I just stated it, she said quietly! My soft spoken Aunt  is so calm , I very seldom have seen her angry ....ever. These two are my favorite aunt and uncle and they have shown me such dedication and caring towards each other that I have never seen in anyone else.

  My uncle never had to do anything in the house, like washing clothes or cooking or cleaning. My aunt held down a fulltime job and my cousins , they had twin girls and an older brother and sister, were a handful. I'm sure he did other stuff I guess because it takes two people to make a marriage work. My aunt always seemed to take a special interest in me when I was younger because my mom had six of us to raise after she left my dad when I was twelve, the oldest. I think she felt sorry for me because I was always looking after my brothers and sisters my youngest brother was only a baby. They lived close and I liked spending time there (away from all those kids...lol). I also looked up to my Uncle , he is only 7 years older than me, but he was always my idol. 

  What are you two talking , about my uncle asks,  from the kitchen where he is making lunch for us. All your shortcomings I answer back with a laugh. You know , my aunt lowers her voice...he is so good to me , I've told him he doesn't have to do all this, she says. He won't even listen to the idea of putting me in a home...she says with such devotion. She is right , my uncle doesn't even consider this an option. At each stage of development of this insidious disease he tackles it singlehandedly along with my aunt with grace and such humour. Maybe that is the saving grace , we laugh a lot during my visit. My aunt has a new development, there is nothing wrong with her eyes but the disease has short-circuited signals to her brain and she is losing her ability to see.


  Years ago my uncle took up scuba diving and my aunt is deathly afraid of water. He always patiently held her hand while in the water and never left her side until she was comfortable beside him. Her eyesight was so poor that  she couldn't see all the colourful fauna and fish while snorkeling because she couldn't wear her glasses, so he figured out a way for her to see. He had a mask special made for her with the glass finely ground to aid her eyesight! He cared that she should enjoy as well, all that he could see.

  Ok...are you two ready for lunch? he calls out from the kitchen. He helps my aunt out of the easy chair and she puts a hand on his shoulder and follows him to the kitchen. Think we should go to the bathroom he says? oh ..why not , she replys and says to me "we do everything together now" laughing! As we are seated she tells me how this once useless man around a washing machine now does everything around the house. How does my hair look, she says...I say not good and they both bust out laughing. I am kidding of course, he washes and blow drys her hair everyday! She has shoulder length blonde/grey hair.



My aunt is so funny and we laugh out loud about all the dumb things that pop up  and some poignant ones as well. We reminisce about our younger days (I am growing older along with them) how she borrowed grampas car and her and I went looking for my friends to celebrate my 16th birthday because she thought I deserved to have a party and she was determined to give me one! Every girl should have a 16th birthday party she said .... (see, we lived on welfare because my dad didn't send support money to my mom) so we maybe didn't have money for anything else but basics I guess.



Was there any indication that anything was wrong or what was your first sign of maybe something wasn't right ...I ask them now... because I am curious . Well , my uncle pipes up, I came home for supper one night and she has this wonderful casserole with a thick spaghetti like sauce in it. I eat it he continues but I   think there is something missing but don’t say anything , next day I ask  her if there is anything else that should maybe be in this sauce and she says no..... and then she burst out laughing and said Gee...I forgot to put the noodles in ! Well we all laugh at that and I marvel at my uncles desire not to be disrespectful to her cooking ...omg , that is too funny!    When this disease first got diagnosed my aunt and uncle decided to go and do and see everything they could before it would become difficult to do so. They travelled to many different countries either flying or cruising, travelling as much as they could and they made incredible memories. They did it right I think to myself...enjoy today and do it ...don't wait until it is too late and circumstance makes it impossible.
     I tell her I will never forget when I was 13 yrs old and a well to do aunt from my dads side had invited me back with them to Ontario to spend a couple weeks vacation, I was so excited ! My mom said a flat out no...you don't even have a suitcase ...and I am NOT sending you to her with your clothes in a bag (I think she was embarrassed )! I remind my aunt how she  came through for me ... and lent me her really nice suitcase and I think she even made sure I had something nice to put in it (I just remember the suitcase and how happy I was that she made it possible for me to go). Her suitcase came back worse for wear and she scolded me (she didn't remember that ) and I felt sooo bad , but she also forgave me.    




We settle back into the living room while my uncle does the cleaning. So did he go back up north I ask my aunt .... she looked at me and said no....not even for one more rotation.. he stayed home and found a job back here . Wow... it was just a fact and sometimes you need to do what you need to do for the well being of all. I give my aunt a really big hug and tell her how much I love her as tears flow from my eyes as they are right now.

 What were you two talking about in the living room my uncle asks me as I am leaving ..."oh" I say " I am going to write a story about you two" ....I tell him, "and I will send it to you" as I give him a big hug and tell him how much I love him too.

Yesterday , May 5th my uncle Gary and Auntie Marilyn celebrated 52 years of marriage!

this is a true love story

a little update from my Uncle Gary 

Although completely bedridden now.....She still knows everybody and is aware of what goes on around her. She hears everything and still laughs quite a bit, especially when the great grandchildren are over. She never gets grouchy and never complains, I am so very proud of her.
 

....

 

the wetness

The wetness

 starts with thoughts of you

your touch

your kisses...

and comes unbidden

to fill my eyes

with such a sadness

I feel I shall drown

in all this sorrow

then my thoughts turn once more

to the exquisite pleasure of your body

in mine

and I get wet all over again

in the memory

of you

Fernie road trip , missing sauasages

missing sausages ???

 

 The mountains and beautiful scenery of Fernie British Columbia were promising to make this road trip a fun adventure. I needed to finish up my business dealings with an Italian couple that resided there. They possessed the title to the property I was buying in Arizona... without that title you don’t own squat!

 

 Picking up my travel buddy girlfriend , Sharon, we set off to Calgary from Edmonton (Sharons stomping grounds). We ended up in Okotoks Alberta where Sharons son bought us supper at a trendy place called just ‘George’! This place was packed and maybe ‘wing night’ and the Stanley cup hockey series had something to do with that.  

 

 Now Okotoks is really a name that defies description, but it is  derived from the Blackfoot Native nation describing a big rock formation that was left as a landmark from  the worlds largest known erratic glacier ...bet ya didn’t know that! Something else that isn’t well known is that little ole Okotoks has north Americas first solar heated community built in 2007! These 52 houses have 800 solar panels on their roofs collecting energy to be used for heating.  2012 this community achieved a world record by managing a 97%  solar fraction....meaning they heated all their homes for a whole year (this is snow country remember) 97% by solar! Pretty good huh?

 

 Sharons son has a best friend that owns an old Victorian house  operating a bed and breakfast so we decided to spend the night there. Lots of antiques which I am really not a fan of but this is much better than a sterile hotel room. Diane the owner is a friend of Sharons as well and she makes us feel welcome and right at home . There are even real original chenille bedspreads on our beds. I guess I could describe the antiques but they hold no interest for me ...much more interesting is the solar community and the big ole rock formation 4 miles west of town.

 

  I was up early doing my emails in our own little cozy space at the top of the stairs that also serves as a eating area when Diane pops her head in to say she is bringing us breakfast. Sharon is now up and we are enjoying the coffee and fresh fruit Diane has delivered to us. Our lovely breakfast arrives in the form of scrambled eggs and little fat breakfast sausages along with wholewheat toast . I glance up when I hear a hissing sound.... wth? It is Sharon whispering to me from across the table (Sharon never whispers anything) “what?” I say?

 

 ”Do you like sausages?” she hisses again... “well uh...yes I guess”  I say. “I can’t eat these !!!” she hisses ... ‘why?’ I hiss back....! “Because when I was pregnant with Nick I got really sick after eating sausages and I can’t eat pork sausages to this day!”  “you can’t NOT eat them “ I hiss back. See , I think that would be so rude because Diane went to all this trouble to make us such a nice breakfast. BUT  now after eating one myself I realize she has put a little syrup glaze on em and I don’t want to eat them either...oh crap ! Now what are we gonna do ?

 

 Sharon hisses “lets flush em down the toilet!”  and right away I have visions of these little suckers floating and not going down....”no way!” I hiss back ....”I am not picking em outta the toilet if they don’t flush!”. I apologize to Diane when she comes to check on our progress and ask for ketchup. (see I think if we smear them with ketchup we can get em down.) She brings the ketchup and I manage to eat all but one and Sharon manages half of one before she starts to gag.

 

 We agree we need to get rid of them so we don’t hurt her feelings. Sharon goes into our bedroom and comes back with a little plastic baggie and we hurriedly shove the rest of the sausages into it. She disappears back into the bedroom and when she comes out I ask her what she did with them. “ I stuck them in my shoe” she hisses at me.....omg and wth? I snort coffee out my nose from laughing! Why would she stick em in her shoe...like really ? ....now we are both laughing so hard we have tears in our eyes..... Diane comes in and clears our clean plates and we rave about the breakfast and we contain ourselves as best we can.

 

 I wish I had a real cool ending for this story but I don’t. We are back on our way to Fernie when I ask her where the sausages got to ....she says “I ended up flushing them down the toilet...and they went down!” I glance down at her feet and say ...ya know your toes kinda look like.... “just shut up ” she hisses at me....lol 

 

 

 

Pacific coast pillows

Have you ever slept on a cloud?  Sears...... customer satisfaction guaranteed ?? maybe not!

 

 I hit the down pillow I was returning, with my hand, and feathers fly everywhere and onto the face of the assistant manager. A feather lodged on the side of his nose and he did not blink. His face was set into a ‘I am not budging from my position look’ and he looked to be no more than a teenager ..... I confess I was tempted to hit the pillow again ...ok... so I did! We now had feathers everywhere and baby faced assistant manager was starting to crack...good! He was trying  to gather up feathers but these expensive little white goose down feathers were so light and fluffy they defied capture! ...and I should know because I was still finding the odd feathers a week later in my bedroom. Time to call in the general manager of Sears... baby face punches numbers into phone and spits out under his breath , but I hear him “I need help ...NOW’.

 

 This all started the day I bought these down pillows ....ok I need to back up just a bit. I spent a fantastic week  in New Orleans last year made even better or maybe it was the best part, at La Pavillon hotel . This is the  oldest hotel in New Orleans and is  restored to its original glory complete with the glass chandeliers and ghosts on the fifth floor. They have a tradition of serving milk and peanut butter sandwiches every evening in the beautifully appointed lobby (who does that ) ? they have exquisitely dressed doormen and period furniture and ...and.... Everything about this hotel reeked history and opulence as well as good old-fashioned top notch service. I love that hotel which was, btw ,the hotel used in filming ‘The Butler’ ... I recognized it right away!

 

 So I am fussy about pillows and have on occasion taken my own on trips. I  need to have a really good downfilled pillow to get a good nights sleep. This fantastic hotel had the best pillows I have ever slept on. Towards the end of my stay I decided to investigate and ripped off the pillowcase to discover the brand name was Pacific Coast Pillows. So back home I happened to be shopping in Sears one  day when sales gal asks me what I am looking for, I say pillows and specifically Pacific Coast brand. Well... she says we have them and they are on sale right now! These are two hundred dollar pillows ...omg... insert choking noises here ! I would never pay that much for a pillow , but I am in luck... they are on for half price....omg.... I have never paid a hundred dollars for a pillow either! I bite the bullet and buy the pillow and guess what ...? THIS PILLOW HAS AN EIGHT YEAR GUARANTEE ! Has any of you ever seen a guarantee on pillows? .. me either.

 

 Ok back to my story , I am in love with this pillow and obsessed ...it goes everywhere with me. I have a cabin at the lake so I purchase a few more of these pillows (always on sale...lol) . They have shorter ones and different comfort levels for different types of sleepers ...oh ya... these are high tech pillows! All of them have the guarantee ...lifetime guarantee on the feathers (not sure what is involved there though). btw ...even if you are allergic ...this company claims that the down feathers are put through  a very strict  cleaning process which removes all the allergens and leaves you with this soft fluffly down.  Soooo anyway , I removed my pillowcase for cleaning last week and all these light fluffy feathers flew out with the pillow ... not thinking straight I turn pillow inside out and omg... it is snowing in my bedroom...dumb move. Turns out the seam has come apart... and so my journey begins on the  ’too good to be true’  guarantee.

 

 I guess this is maybe a lesson in customer service..... Sears LOGO is...’ CUSTOMER SATIFACTION GUARANTEED ‘  ....BUT...  they should have added for 30 days only or 3 months if you have a sears card! Baby face tells me I need to send the pillow back to the manufacturer .... I tell baby face that I bought the pillow at Sears and I am not shipping anything back anywhere ...I only do emails.  I expected a new pillow but I say I will settle for him shipping the pillow back and call me when it is fixed. Now I am looking straight at the big sign at the till that says customer satisfaction guaranteed and I point it out to him but he is not budging... except to gather feathers. oh...and he also gave me the rolly eye look.... BIG Mistake (ok so that was when I hit the pillow....again).

 

 General manager comes to his rescue , she basically recites same policy as him but she is older and wiser and probly realizes that I have taken a stance and am not backing down anytime soon . See... we are talking about a two hundred dollar pillow here (doesn’t matter that I got it on sale) with an 8 yr guarantee...what would you do? She finally agrees to ship the pillow back for me after once more explaining about the 30 day crap.... thank you!.... and that is all I really wanted.

 

 So boys and girls..... let this be a lesson in customer service.... Customer Service Guaranteed for 30 days only at Sears or three months if you have a sears card! read the fine print......

 

a little side note here.... I will not give up my Pacific Coast pillows !!! I am married to them ...I just need to take em in for maintenance maybe... lol

 

  

 

   

dear diary (good friday)

Dear Diary 

 

 Once upon a time back in the olden days , getting a diary for xmas or a birthday was such a thrill. We filled it with all our secret thoughts and petty grievance's and that cute boy we had a crush on. Then someone close to us would... find...read... and expose our secret life to the world! or our moms would demand to know the boys name ...how come you never heard of dads reading our diaries?

 

 Fast forward to today and we willingly expose everything on Face Book, no need to write in those diaries.... well maybe it was better in the ‘olden days’?  but no less boring I'm sure. My girlfriends diary was coded so everytime she washed her hair in her diary she had done something sinful with her boyfriend (we were catholic) ...she had the cleanest shiniest hair ...but also the  blackest soul full of sins...omg . As for myself, I got bored after the first couple weeks because I wouldn’t dare put down my real thoughts and desires ...I had six siblings and no privacy ...are you kidding me, besides I had all those sinful thoughts too ...just sayin.

 

 We used to skip mass which was a sin ...but we would pick up the missive ? ...essentially it was a newsletter about everything happening in the church. These were kept at the entrance so it was easy enough to get a copy without actually attending the service.. If we ran into someone that had been at mass that was a bonus because then we could quiz them on the sermon! See... you could get caught if the adults were suspicious enough they  would say “ok what did father Bob talk about in the sermon today?”

 

 All these sins needed to be confessed at some point so we could clear the slate and start over again. Now you think this would be the easy part but it was the toughest for me. The priest could be the same one you had last time so I needed to get increasingly creative without him suspecting me of making up the same ones over and over. I gotta tell ya I had the most boring sins and if I had it to do over again I could make his ears bleed...!  We had to recite prayers as penance and that was also torturous. I would sing my favorite songs along with a few ‘hail Marys’ under my breath and then make a clean get away as soon as I figured that  who ever was watching me would know I wasn’t cheating.

 

 Those days are long gone I quit going to church in high school and have never really been back, don’t get me wrong , in school (catholic school) I was top dog in religion class , so I knew I was gonna burn in hell... but nobody else suspected ! Organized religion has since ...held no power over me and I have since come to my own understanding of spirituality.

 

 

 This Good  Friday has me looking back and looking forward too.... without our experiences of all our life journeys how would we know what is right and what is wrong? I sure don’t believe in those stupid sins and confessions creative in confession....or maybe when I was on my knees supposedly saying the rosary as my penance , some of that spirituality seeped in when I wasn’t aware.... or maybe it was there all along ......

 

happy Easter everyone! and my only wish is for everyone to find their own spirituality....

The story of the apple phone

 

This is my story and little ‘rant’ about my apple Iphone 

 

and the lord said to Eve ...if you eat that apple I will make sure you suffer for ever more !  Eve was so sick and tired of men telling her what to do and what not to do and  she had no female friends to commiserate with. "Meat ...meat...meat... what does a girl have to do to get some fruit around here?" .... so ya just know this was a time bomb waiting to explode !

 

  when she spit the seed onto the ground from that apple, up popped a tree that grew  into a big corporate conglomeration with an apple as it's symbol...  this company sucked in men and women from all over the world to partake of its fruit . Once bitten you are committed to eating its fruit forever more. The pains suffered from trying to mix other fruits with this superior apple are legend and dare I say... soooo annoying!  The tentacles it sends out will bind you to it and will NEVER let you embrace any others.

 

 The offspring (called apps) from this lowly little apple 'turned conglomerate'  proliferated and this is where the story gets good . God foresaw that Eve was an adventurous girl and wanted to experience it all ! She would want to feed on lots of different fruits so he embedded in his precious apple the ability to spurn all others wanting a taste and a piece of the action. He wanted to keep Eve pure and sanctimonious ...but Eve being a little on the slutty side did not discriminate, she loved all kinds of fruit and wanted it all !

 

 So god said..... Dam you Eve ...I will make sure your life is a living hell should you decide to keep eating other fruits after eating my apple........ and the arrogance continues to this day!! The apples from this store refuse to be mixed or blended and will leave a terrible taste in your gut when you cough up all the extra cash you are gonna need to keep eating these apples. And if you think  all the fruits of your labours will live together happily ever after ....well....you also probly believe in the tooth fairy !!!!

 

end of my story ...nobody lived happily ever after  !

 

 

ps make sure to buy a protector! it is 150.00  for a new face and....you need an appointment !!!!!!

in memorium

I thought I would wait
until everything was perfect
To live my life
When I should have been perfecting it all along
and now
I fear I have left it too late


We are who we are
but we can be better
why wait to live our life tomorrow
we are here today...only
and then we are gone

unpacking a life ... or so it seems

Unpacking a life....or so it seems

 

Why is unpacking from a trip such a chore? Five days back home and I am trying to figure out what to write about so I can have a break from unpacking my stuff. The problem seems to be that I have too many clothes and not enough room to put everything away ...sooooo.... I need to clean out drawers and reorganize and...and...  it is truly pitiful. I can’t seem to be able to part with anything , seriously , I have a hoarding problem ... not like the reality tv ones,  but on a much smaller scale.

 

 That sweater is a little tight ...yes... but... I plan to lose this vacation fat as soon as it warms up...lol. And then there are those dresses I bought on sale that were a little too tight but I was gonna lose a few pounds before the vacation fat set in...omg...it is a vicious circle. The clothes that fit a smaller me are really nice and dam , I looked good in em...! NOT giving those away...ummmm ...this is not going well. So here I sit trying to figure out what to write ....too many decisions about what clothes to keep and what to toss.... but my mind is already wandering to food and I wonder what is in the fridge.

 

 My daughter in law is a an organizer and everything has a place ....she takes pictures at work and tapes them to the shelves so everyone knows what belongs on those shelves and where! When you hear the shrill...”who put this here?”  “this does not belong here !” “can’t you see the picture?”  , we all blame the person that is out on a job...ha ha.

 

  Anyway she says if you haven’t worn it for a year then out it goes.... but she is a size zero...need I say more? If you bring something in ...you should take something out...like really ? Who does that? She also organized all my spices ONCE... alphabetically ! I thought she was kidding ...but she wasn’t and I did feel bad relating the story to everyone but I thought it was so funny ...but I think I hurt her feelings.

 

 Soooo I let her organize my closet and believe me when I say she was excited! omg there are other people out there just like her and my niece is one of em...... Well my closet stayed good for about... I want to say a year cause she might read this ...but actually three to six months is closer to the truth. I have to admit I really liked it too, but it doesn’t stay that way. They are coming over on Sunday and I am thinking  to go buy a lock for my bedroom door ....right after I check out the fridge......

Bacon Dust?

 Bacon, bacon , bacon... what is this obsession with bacon? Ok ...so I love bacon too, what's not to love? How would you like to sprinkle real bacon flavor on anything you want? It’s like fairy dust only way BETTER because we can eat it!! Kids won’t eat the greens...sprinkle bacon dust on em...haha. Well folks and fellow caterers , hmmmm... real people can do this too ...you know,,,  those people that aren’t caterers, but they won’t...hey, maybe we can sell it to them? Ok someone write that down!

 

 So I learned this from Emily Ellyn ( cupcake wars Caterstar), she had a powder (kinda like tapioca?) that you can buy and put in a food processor , I think it is half and half proportions. Lets say we do it with peanut butter , she did this on stage (at Catersource Conference) and voila’ ...you have peanut butter dust !! I am not making this up... I swear... ! We don’t have to be into ‘molecular’ gastronomy science or what ever the heck they call it, this is just plain simple. Emily claims you can do this with any protein  (can you do it with fruit I wonder?) but my immediate thoughts went to bacon grease ( guilty : ) , or did she put that in my head? I don’t know what this magic dust is but she had a bag of it, and as I am writing this I know some of you are going to want to know what it is... and one of you will know... and post it. Warning...do not be  putting this up your nose...hmmmm...

 

 Because I was behind the scenes this year I did not get to meet so many of you from Caterbuzz, and Catersource . Believe or not I ended up eating by myself more than I care to mention...and that needs to change! Trouble is at these conferences all of the cafes have line ups. It is something we need to work on before the next conference. Informal settings, sharing a meal or just a coffee or drink is my comfort zone, I need to connect over food I think. Maybe even just a simple posting on the  bulletin  board in the attendee lounge. “ hi ...my name is Cherylle Winacott from Canada and I am having supper at the buffet tonight in same hotel as the conference . I will be there at 7:00 pm. I hate eating alone, please join me if you want. I promise to change your name if I write about you...lol”.

 

WE'VE ONLY JUST BEGUN ...EXCERPTS FROM A HAPPY COOKER PART THREE

 

When you set out to make an idea work...something that captures your imagination... and you  can just ‘feel it’... forget that you have absolutely no experience  .....common sense does not even  come into play. An unlikely pairing of a hairstylist and a welder deciding to make a living by starting a catering company , does not make any sense at all.

 

 Sometimes maybe it is better to be ignorant of what may lay ahead and I certainly do think that ignorance is bliss in this situation. What ever made us think we could make a living at feeding people? A couple lucky jobs that we fell into.... I guess, and the timing couldn’t have been any better (being bankrupt and having nothing else to do ).

 

  Inexperience and not being a chef and I suppose having no preconceived ideas about food in general, was our saving grace. What we really cared about was making money ....lol, being as we didn’t have any. We also figured out early on that feeding people with lots of great food that doesn’t run out, and you don’t have to wait forever in a lineup for ...is THE most important rule of catering....still is I guess!

 

 We had the basics down pat...we could slow roast and  rotate whole hogs and hips of beef on a rotisserie barbeque and it is pretty hard to screw that up..(well you can, but that is another story.. and a good one too : .) Bringing lots of food was a no brainer because we didn’t even know how much food everyone would eat ....so we always had lots of food left over.  We never ever ran out of food even when we learned how much to cook. I do have to say though , that to this day I still go out on an event and worry if we have enough food....could this be a trait of good caterers? The ones that stay in business ?

 

 My only business experience was having owned four beauty salons (that was before we became known as ‘stylists’) one in Alberta and three in Saskatchewan. The ex was a certified welder and had the expertise to make anything run , or build anything we needed and fix just about anything that broke down.

 

....... and ‘break down’ we did! This is one story (and I have a few) from early on in our start up days. A potash mine booked us for their company picnic out in Wakaw regional park . They wanted  a bbq lunch of hamburgers and a bbq beef supper. It was about an hour and a half away and we were traveling in a school bus we had acquired that was equipped as a kitchen ‘.

 

  ...ok.... I have to pause here and tell you about the bus. I can’t remember how we ‘found it’ but I do remember we had no money to buy it. We needed it for prep and it allowed us to expand our vision and use it at Auctions! The bus was a shabby blue colour and needed a lot of cleaning and repairs but it was basically sound , had a deepfreeze , bun warmer, a grill and big kitchen hood with the proper ventilation vent, as well as prerequisite number of sinks..(and btw , what is it with health inspectors and sinks ? it is like you can never have enough sinks for them) It had everything we needed. The guy selling it would take payments (thank you  lord for this break) and we had ourselves a real live ‘food truck’ this was before reality TV ! 

 This poor bus needed a facelift soooo bad and we couldn’t afford a real paint job ...so we bought some bright red high gloss house paint and a  paint brush and holding my breath I took the first swipe at painting this thing! OMG ..... before you knew it that bus looked just like  new ...I still have the before and after pictures ...we were so proud ! Now lets just think about that ...a lowly paint brush and house paint ...like really....who does that, and it only cost us a couple gallons of paint!

 

 ok now where was I...? On our way to do this picnic for a couple hundred people and the bus breaks down a third of the way there ....Dam! ...here comes those  Kentucky Fried Chicken thoughts again ....the ex gets out and looks under the hood and finally figures out what the problem is (he always can figure out what is wrong and how to fix it). This bus needs parts that are back home and we need to have this baby at the park because all the food is in it. We had a vehicle following us with staff.

 

  It so happens that we have a good friend with a big tow truck that can pick up semis . We give him a call and he comes out and puts a hook on our bus .We shuffle the help into the bus and ex jumps in the other vehicle and goes back to the kitchen /shop/business....to pick up parts...see after the job is done we still need to get the bus home. So here we are riding in this bus on a hook behind a towtruck ....we are busy peeling and chopping onions and splitting frozen burgers because now we are running late and out of prep time on job site. oh ...and all this at a crazy angle because we are up in the air.

 

 I call ahead to the event organizer and explain our situation and she is in a panic and who can blame her? This park is situated at the bottom of a hill with a long curved road and it is noon when we round the top of this hill. Picture this big blue tow truck with this bright red and white food truck on its hook coming into view at the top of the hill and making its way down to cheering waving crowds of people!!! Omg.... we felt like rock stars ... the event organizer came over and hugged us as we all piled out of that bus smelling of chopped onions ! We got to work immediately and had them eating within a half hour!!

 

 Ex made it back with parts and worked all afternoon on fixing an alternator (I think that was the problem). That potash company has booked us every year since then and eventually when we got into event planning , hired us to organize their events as well.

 

Moral of the story...hmmmm....when the lord gives you onions ...chop em up and fry em ... who knows you could come out smelling like a rose?

 

Sent from Windows Mail

 

To Plant or not to Implant (personal journey to Mexico for dental work)

 TO PLANT OR NOT TO IMPLANT?

  ‘my personal journey into Mexico for my dental work’

 

 

 The sound and feel of the  dentist drilling into my tooth  was to much to bear and I ended up BITING HIS HAND! He sent me home with out finishing and eventually I had the tooth pulled. My mom was not impressed ...I was 9 years old and didn’t care.

 

 .....and so began my journey to  being toothless ...well I am exaggerating,  but when pull came against drill... I had them pulled every time , now have bridges ....just another bridge  to cross when dealing with my teeth. Well that is until one bridge broke off.  I had so many teeth pulled  (they didn’t have ipods back then to drown out the drilling) that I was running out of teeth to attach the bridges to.

 

  So here I am in Mexico ,where I had my original two bridges done four years ago  by a young dentist that I went to interview and see if I felt comfortable with him. He managed to gain my trust ...well.... his wife worked there too and she held my hand while I cried. Yes I am exaggerating... but I do cry ...well my eyes are like water buckets and I feel like I am going to die when  lying back in that chair ...and yes she did hold my hand, and sure,  I recede back into childhood when I enter a dentist office.

 

  He did a lot of work in my mouth back then (putting in two bridges) and now he was scolding me for not having my teeth cleaned twice a year! Are you KIDDING me???? GO IN TWICE A YEAR to a dentist office!!! OMG ...willingly...Jesus .... Poor tooth took either too much of a beating in four years or it was not cleaned properly and it decayed under cap (bridge ) and broke off (second excuse is likely cause). It abscessed over xmas and I was in my own special hell.

 

 Sooooo ....this is my third trip to Mexico in as many weeks ...antibiotic regime for abscessed broken off tooth is taking it’s time to heal. So far I have not bought a Micheal Koors purse and have resisted all the silver jewelry ...well except for this one little ring ...ahhhh. Oh ..and...and...two metal flower sculptures that are absolutely stunning and will look great on our buffet tables (in the catering business) as centerpieces (and easy for our artistically challenged staff to put out with out too much effort......and you know who you are... : )

 

 ....and in the end the problem tooth has  a fracture and cannot be saved ...hmmmm ..dam... that teeth cleaning twice a year maybe wouldn’t have been so bad. My favorite and gentle dentist ‘Dr. Arturo’ has suggested two implants , one going into hole made by problem tooth being extracted and another by my back molar, seems you can’t attach a bridge to a ‘live ‘ tooth and an implant. So off I go for a CAT scan to see if I have enough bone for second implant.

 

 Back home we have a waiting list to get a CT scan done...here I go next door and pay 75.00 cash and have it done right away. I should also mention that I have had so many  xrays (digital) taken of my head that my friend says I’m going to grow another head and I reply ‘oh great...then I’ll have TWO mouths to feed!’

 

  All the xrays are free and I don’t see lots of big beautiful offices here in Mexico (they are clean, small and efficient). They do have a lot of assistant's that are in training and also dentists that are dedicated root canal specialists , and I really like that! I have had two root canals this visit and the female dentist was so gentle , thorough and fast that I wanted to hug her forever when she finished....I hardly felt a thing and she was nudging me telling me it was done...really ! Mexico also has travelling root canal specialists ! They come to the dentist office and do it right there on the spot ...had two done four years ago ...they know their stuff and make having a root canal not so bad.

 

 Ok... so root canals notwithstanding , I still have that inner turmoil that will never go away when visiting a dentists office. The implants are not on my agenda and in the end all the stress and turmoil won out and I only got one implant...two root canals and a three tooth bridge, one crown on the bottom molar, that was the other anchor for the bridge that broke off. Bottom bridge that broke off... will stay off... and I am FINISHED.... with one implant in and healing.

 

Total cost is less than 3,000.00

 

The removal of problem tooth and subsequent implant is painless and fast ..an hour and a half! Dr. Arturo  really knows his stuff and he is very gentle with me and god knows how I appreciate that! I fill his prescription for yet another round of antibiotic's and narcotic? for pain and swelling that mysteriously does not appear. The implant site is not even swollen!

 

 So moral of the story is  ’FOR CHRISTS SAKE DON’T BITE THE DENTISTS HAND WHEN YOU ARE A KID’....  get your teeth cleaned regular...uh huh (and I WILL be doing that at least once a year...so ok ...we need to compromise here)  I only come down here once a year, .and although I don’t cry , and don’t need my hand held anymore, when I am sitting in that dentist chair with my head back...... I still feel like I AM GONNA DIE!!

 

end of story

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sent from Windows Mail

 

sex and love

what can I say about sex and love .. two different activities ... although they look very much alike to the casual observer.  Animals (and I include our species here) have sex.  Sex is for the purpose of creating the next generation.  somewhere deep in our brains is the drive to create life and perpetuate the species.  and that drive will not be denied.  well it wont , until the brain decides to turn off "the need to breed" signal.  But as long as that signal is active ... well.. sex will need to happen.

but making love .. ah that's all about the self and a higher level of brain activity .. its all about the need for closeness and feeling protected.  Its a way to relax the vigilance that is required to stay alive in a hostile environment ,,,  is a break from always having to be aware of your surroundings .. it allows us to re-create that feeling we had when we snuggled into our mothers and knew that she would protect us from the world ... its about sharing and trusting and relaxing and just going to a happier place than the world normally allows ... and we humans emerge on the other side of love making feeling refreshed and energised and ready to take on the world.  Very few partners in our lives that we ever reach that level of intimacy with. 

Ecerpts from a 'happy cooker' part two

Tensions were high and the  air was blue..... ”I have more knowledge about barbequing in my little finger than you will ever accumulate in your whole life!” shouted the brother-in-law as he stood shaking his finger in my exs (his younger brothers) face.......ah ...family..... seems we didn’t learn the first go round with him when we moved back from Alberta to go into partnership with him in a semi-truck repair business. (what ever made us think we could partner in this food business?....geeze)

 

 

Well ....this catering adventure was taking a decidedly different  route, parting ways with a partner can sometimes be difficult, especially if that  partner has the equipment that we just about destroyed on our last  job (a bbq that rotated a whole hog...surface wounds only thank god, nothing fatal ) well brother-in-law also got greedy and wanted to cut me out anyway , so no loss.. I really want to caution against going into business with  partners ...esp. family...and I’m sure there are exceptions.... na....just don’t do it ..! We decided to go it alone because I could ‘feel’ the potential (having made some serious money on the few bookings we shared as partners) I knew we had what it takes.... to do this (my god I can’t believe how naïve we were back then). 

 

 

 Now I have to say here that my then husband ( we  divorced over three years ago) being a welder by trade and me being  a hairstylist , owning three salons in my first life ....didn’t prepare us in any way , shape or form for what lay ahead! But as all dreamers will attest to... that was just a minor detail.... I mean like how hard can it be ? Everyone knows how to cook and besides,  I found a place that made salads wholesale and in bulk , right in our own backyard. All we needed to do was barbeque the meat , order the buns and salads and serve the meal ....easy, right?

 

 

 ..... and so , flying solo, I booked our first job for a seed company that wanted to feed their customers a lunch of boneless pork loins carved onto a bun with potatoe salad and coleslaw. Oh...and did I mention it was for 500 people and our barbeque was still on the drawing board! But hey, we had a good month to get that sucker built (when I say we , I only had the vision....I’m a hairstylist remember... not a welder) so HE had to build it and my job was to book it and look after the ‘easy’ stuff...hah!

 

 

  A very good friend of ours, an engineer,  had a big shop and let us use a little portion of it, He also designed the bbq along with our  vision ....it had to be big (bigger than the brother-in-laws) and we needed it to fit on the back of a 3/4 ton truck ... we needed it to be mobile . Now picture this big behemoth ...a huge barbeque that can rotate three market weight hogs , or six small ones or 18 hips of beef with three rotating cylinder cages.... we named this beast “The Grizzler”. Now Jack it up five or six feet into the air  to get if off the bed of the truck box ... it weighs  a kazillion tons ...sitting in the air on four flimsy jacks (that have to be lifted and lowered evenly) until we can get the truck clear and carefully ‘jack it down’ onto the ground....no MEAN feat! Talk about heart stopping moments. We eventually put that beast onto a chassis (several years later)so we could tow it but not before we developed ulcers  worrying about that sucker crashing to the ground every time we used it. 

 

 

  Coming out of a bankruptcy (a failed tire shop during the high 20 % interest years ) we didn’t have  much capital (a fancy way of saying we were broke) , so our friend gave us credit until we could get established and pay him back. He believed in us (I want to say he believed in me , because I talked a good game , and I was sooo excited about all the money we were gonna  make in catering with this big bbq) and as it turned out ....he wanted to make a fortune himself, on manufacturing big barbeques.... let me tell you , I was choked ! ...that is until he ran into all sorts of trouble getting his barbeques to pass CSA approvals (Canadian safety association) and that was the end of his mass manufacturing bbqs dream and....  I believe the resulting competition that would have competed with  ours. I have to say here that I do believe in Karma and I try to live my life as such....that is my older self talking , and I’m sure this business helped the aging process along......

 

 

 ....and so back to building the barbeque , another friend helped build it in the evenings when he had time....hmmmm ...speaking of time....it was running out , this big job was racing up on us! In fact it  was the day before the  big job and although I was ready (hard part ordering salads and buns...lol) ....the barbeque was still not finished...oh hell...ex and his friend worked until 2:00 in the morning to get this thing far enough along so we could at least pull off this job.

 

 

 This was so last minute that there was no way to test it before we took it out to this event to feed 500 people! First off, we pick up the boneless pork loins from the butcher (no marinating or seasoning here ...uh uh , this is easy , remember) . We get to site early so we can get these loins rotating and cooking and wtf? how come they are still frozen....? omg....this is not good !! This easy money business is slowly turning into a nightmare. Ok...calm down, they are not all frozen, but we need to get  cooking them right now! We light up the barbeque and everything is rotating and working and we breath a big sigh of relief which lasts exactly three minutes ... before all the flames die out and now we have no fire ...again wth?

 

 

 Oh my god , this nightmare is not gonna end and now my mind was racing ahead to figure out a worst case scenario ....hmmmm Kentucky Fried Chicken pops into my head ...how can I get enough for 500 people , what time do they open, do I order from every store , and can they do it? Now I  need to mention here that in the ensuing years of this crazy business ...for some strange reason...this has always been my back up plan that has  played out in my head more times than I care  to admit to...although it has never happened ...omg touch wood... 

 

 

 Turns out the propane fire was ‘starved’ for oxygen and fortunately the ex figured that out with-in a short time and rectified the problem (I think he opened up a door to  let in the air), needless to say I do know he cut a couple vents in the top of this huge behemoth when it went back to the shop and he made it so he could control the openings. 

 

 

 Ok back on track and we have everything ready to feed 500 people (we are leaving pork loins on till last minute and take off the ones that were not frozen first). Well.... turns out only a fraction of these 500 people show up... I think it was maybe 100? We have sooooo much food left over! After giving some to client ( those were the early days and I think client was a little upset he couldn’t have all the loins ....but they weren’t all ‘cooked’ through and no way was I giving him half cooked ones) . All our staff and a few relatives got to  eat pork, buns and salads for a few weeks after. (our two kids grew to hate buns “why can’t we have real bread like the other kids?” to which I gave the standard mom answer ...’if all the other kids jumped off a bridge...yada yada.'”) 

 

 

We charged the client , the big seed company , for 500 people ( you pay what you book for)  times 5.00 a head....The barbeque went back to the shop to be finished ...with vents to let in oxygen! Look out everybody we are ready to make our millions in this great business called catering.......... oh ....and ...and... will ya look at what we built everyone...you too non-believer brother-in-law...ooops I think that was my outside voice.

Eating Ice cream for breakfast

eating ice cream for breakfast

 

my night thoughts were

spreading like a plague

 infecting each night with seemingly

never ending nightmares

I awoke each morning

more  exhausted

than the last

I was feeding masses of people

 and coming up short

saving friends and family

 from unknown perils

running or escaping
  from unseen predators

and always...always falling

 and most traumatic...
  frantically trying
to cover my naked body
while out in public

with just my hands 

 

as I slowed my pounding heart

my partner turned to me and said

“maybe you should start eating that ice cream in the morning ...instead of before bedtime?”

 

 

Breaking down a dream ...excerpts from a happy cooker

Windows Mail

 

 

Breaking down a Dream........ (excerpts from a Happy Cooker)....... part one

 

 It was a recurring theme...in the scheme of things. This really unique place for everyone to come and order a fantastic, great meal that only we could produce.The world was missing out on this particular gastromical delight because we were limited in our distribution ...not having a store front location.  I figured once we had the logistics solved then the world would be our oyster (move over Mc Donalds ...there is a ‘Real beef’ sandwich  in town)

 

 We, being my then husband, and our two kids (our first...’work for food’... employees) , child labour was not such a big issue back then...in fact we just did what we had to do to pay the bills. We were not poor but we did have to overcome some setbacks from an ill-timed venture that we invested in when the markets were at 20% interest rates. That the venture was a tire shop (competing with Canadian tire) was a mute point.

 

 We sorta fell into the food business by accident....isn’t that how all good businesses start? We were broke and beaten from the tire shop and brother-in- law had a homemade barbeque (I think everyone knows someone that has a big barbeque that can cook everything from huge chunks of meat to whole animals...lol) . Well this one cooked whole hogs on a rotisserie and was much in demand. Since we had a whole lot of time on our hands and no money and  brother- in-law with lots of money and not enough time , he  hired us to go barbeque this whole hog in some godforsaken place up north.  

 

 Off we go in our camper overnight to spend the next day barbequing this hog for a gift opening . It was boring as hell and we were hard pressed to fill our time while this thing was cooking (8 to 10 hours in those days). The guests would wander over and ooh and aah at this whole hog sizzling on the spit. The end of the day (we didn’t even have to carve it!) we made over 500 dollars !!!! ...and at that exact moment this boring little job turned into a million dollar business ( I was just dreaming then).

 

 ....and so started our auspicious career in catering and notice I said OUR...! Because as it turns out... it is not only your family , and I am talking parents, aunts , uncles, cousins , siblings and anyone even remotely related as well as your friends (this is where you find out who your real friends are) all come into play....(work). Sometimes even anyone with a pulse gets snagged ...and don’t be surprised when you show up at an event and we put an apron on you....it is necessary sometimes.

 

 We got rid of the brother- in- law when he got greedy and wanted to cut me out ...had nothing to do with us almost burning his barbeque down to the ground. We built our own and we (well not me cause I can’t weld) built it bigger  and better than his. We could cook THREE whole hogs at once in ours !!! Oh ya...we were gonna show him! and so our  adventure into catering began . 

 

...anyway ...back to where I started , this recurring dream to open up a real storefront... turnkey operation that will be ,  not the next Mc Donalds ...cause we are going to serve ‘real’ down home ‘best you ever tasted’ delicious food that will give Mc Donalds some true competition! The people want ‘real beef’ in their bun....beef that is barbequed for 4 to 6 hours ‘slow roasted’ on a rotisserie barbeque and hand carved onto the bun!! Yep...no cutting costs or corners here....

 

 You all know the movie  where the theme is “if you build it .....they will come?”  Well I think there is a lot of that in all of us dreamers and entrepreneur's and I certainly wanted to build it. I made up drawings of what  the building  would look  like and I even bought an old  property on one of the busiest streets in the city (rented it out till I could realize the dream). I only needed to  find an architect that would work for nothing (and a piece of the pie) and then I had to fight  with City Hall about something called zoning and having enough parking stalls.... well all I can say about that is, thank god I had renters ...that is until they skipped out on the rent and all that traffic going past the front door was not conducive to getting good renters anyway......hmmmmmm.

 

 Then something magical happened, a Swiss Chalet on a real busy intersection closed down....and the building was for rent...omg.... IT WAS PERFECT ...well...almost. I needed to figure out how to rotate big roasts of beef in there and  not chickens. The location was really busy but only one side of the highway allowed the traffic in ...but that was no big deal cause our food would make turning around and going out of your way to get some .......that much sweeter!

 

 The rent was a little steep though....10,000.00 a month (that was 15years ago!) hmmmmm ....it was a lot of money but it was also a prime location and my dream was pretty big. I could hardly sleep and I had all sorts of plans ...and...and... I needed advice. So I called the one and only Catering Guru I knew...that taught us so much over the years. We met him at a yearly conference of classes and lectures and hands on teaching , called Catersource. Mike Roman was THE MAN and I put him on speakerphone for all of us to hear what advice he could give us to make my dream a reality.

 

 After my gushing ...glowing report of what a perfect location and building and the count of how many thousands of vehicles pass there a day..... he asked me TWO  questions , how much was the rent? .....and the second most devastating question of all....” let me ask you Cherylle , how many ‘beef on buns’ will you have to sell to pay the rent?”

 

 Now lets just break this down  hmmmmm 10,000.00 divided by 4.00 would be 2,500 ‘beef on a bun’ divided by 4 would be 625 a week ...which would be approx. 100 a day....hmmmmm that would be just to pay the rent . Lets see... 2500 beef on a bun would require that many buns at 3.00 a dozen then there would be the cost of about 800lbs of triple A Angus beef  (certified yet!no cutting corners here) and then the propane costs to barbeque it , don’t forget the wrappers and the condiments ...hmmmmm ...geeze forgot about the cost of staff (well that would be free cause we would be running it....) , now this is getting real complicated.... and why do we have to pay taxes on the property when we don’t even own it?

 

 Well needless to say when we got off the phone it was not pretty. Didn't matter how we cut it, diced it or mixed it ....how much product we needed to sell to pay expenses, was the deal breaker !!

 

 Some dreams are worth pursuing and some aren’t ....some are realistic and others are best laid to rest. I never gave up on my dream, I just put it on the back burner to simmer and I still bring it out every once in awhile when I see an ideal location or a perfect building or...or...or........ 

THE MEXICAN CONNECTION

The Mexican Connection

 Everything is as how I remembered.....although I don’t remember the Indian casino having a big hotel and swimming pool. The casino is huge and fairly clear of too much smoking although they still allow people to smoke cigars inside, what is with that anyway? The hotel rooms are really nice and big and the beds are really comfy.

 We are in Arizona outside of Yuma on Algodonnes rd (the road leading to Mexico just a short mile away), having just come from the dentist there. I am two root canals down and one to go (it is packed with meds and I am on antibiotics for the abscessed tooth). The dentist has also put in a couple posts on the new root canalled teeth....lovely reading right?

 We are going into our second week and the weather has been so co-operative. The pool has also been inviting us in for some delicious lolling about  in the water and the sun. Walking in the mornings, bright and early (eightish...ok so it’s bright and early for me....)just feels so good, especially knowing we can’t do this at home, at least not without looking like a yard apes.

 Mexico is as predictable as always, the usual beggars and the too pushy hawkers wanting to guide you to whatever you want and then some. It is hard not to be polite but geeze it is so annoying ! Things are looking up in Algodoones, some of the sidewalks have been tiled and the stalls where they  sell their wares are looking decidedly cleaner. The Prada and Gucci purses are scarce because Micheal  Koors seems to have taken control of the market. Now who the heck is Micheal Koors? Meanwhile a Gucci purse soft as a babys bum catches my attention....I absently ‘stroke it’ but reluctantly resist buying it , even after she came down to my price. Now I feel bad and maybe I will buy one of those oversized MC bags for my beach stuff.... my Calvin Klien bag is getting decidedly shabby.  Her name is Heidi and I tell her I will be around for awhile because of my dental work....whew ..... made a clean get away! ....god that leather was soft on that Gucci purse.....

 I have never been a fan of sunglasses thank god but there are a ton of em here. Another new phenomena, they have been shopping in China..... (I only know this because that is where I bought my stash of watches) Rolexes and Guccis and and...oh hell....., ok so I try some on ...what can it hurt? and...and... EVERYWHERE there is jewelry and omg....that is sooooo hard to ignore. I don’t even wear any jewelry to Mexico because I can say ...no, no...senor’ no can wear ...see..... I am allergic to jewelry! BIG..... BIG lie ....I hope I don’t burn in hell for that one.

 The real handmade stuff is sooooo beautiful , the wall hangings and the carved and painted wood figures. The lamps and ceramics , the metal pieces made into everything you can imagine ...now that is my downfall...that and purses and shoes ...and of course I have turned into a recent jewelry slut from the cruises. But this Mexican metal artwork is calling my name and I am picturing ways in my mind to bring it home in my car.....if I don’t run out of money first. There is this unique gorgeous floor lamp that would look perfect where my other one is and I’ll move that one  into the bedroom...yep.... oh hell ...like I need another lamp?

 My dentist has moved up since my last visit , he is now on main street and has two more dentists working with him. His wife Angelina is on my facebook and she is expecting her second child ...another girl...she informs us. I say they need to try again and he says with another woman and she says ‘with another man’ hahaha. They make a good team and I feel comfortable getting my dental work done here.

Postcards from my plate

There is always a scene in most movies or books about this quaint little Italian place that is so romantic and serves up such great food. Well I just happened to visit such a place and let me tell you it was sooooo cool to actually have that experience. The place is called Cucina Italiano and it is in San Diego  in a little strip mall of all places.

 The evening is a little cool but the linen covered  tables outside are inviting and  sporting covered umbrellas with  propane infra red heaters , along with the candles (you know ...the ones with the flickering battery powered flames...ok so not everything is perfect..). Inside it is dimly lit with just the perfect amount of light to add to the ambiance. The waiter tells us all about that nights special ...flattened veal wrapped around spinach and stuffed with some exotic cheeses. My friend and his son order it but  I opt out for the filet mignon with cracked peppercorns and a red wine reduction glaze of some sort which turns out to be soooo yummy I want to lick the plate. The creamy garlic whipped potatoes and exotically spiced vegetables make this meal even more delectable... and how is that possible?

 The paintings on the walls remind me of the paintings in Cuba and I want to take them home and hang them in my condo. I don't want this meal to end ...so I order the crème  brule  and three spoons... it arrives in a heart shaped dish and it is delicious .... my tablemates only take a taste and leave the rest to me...... I lick the dish....ok I exaggerate .... but I  wanted to lick it and I also wanted to take home the waiter (he is so handsome , dressed impeccably in all black with a long black apron wrapped around his waist ) but he is much too young....ah well....isn't there a saying about licking your plate and having the waiter too....hmmmm .... too bad.

to be continued