the missing dress

 THE MISSING DRESS

 

 

 Being unorganized is not for the feint of heart. Not knowing where you put that bill that's overdue ... trying to find keys , earrings and shoes is a pain, but how do you lose a dress???? It has to be in the closet or the laundry... right? Ok , so I forgot about my luggage, I know... an organized person would have unpacked it all a month ago when getting home from the last trip! Nope , not there either... hmmm... looking through all the drawers was senseless, I would never put a dress in a dresser... hey, that’s a kind of an oxymoron isn’t it (a dress in a dresser/ could mean two things ,  kind of ironic, a play on words..ok all this is for my grand daughters benefit , she has taken to reading my blogs). So that elusive dress must be in ‘purgatory’ (this place is inhabited by millions of single socks from clothes dryers from around the world) along with all the other stuff I can’t find when I want it!!!

 

 I go to plan B and wear the dress I wore yesterday... see, I know where that one is , right beside my bed where I took it off , don’t you just love polyester... it  never wrinkles? Now why did this great material get such a bum rap in the seventies? Did you know that a polyester bathing suit will never die??? It’s true, I have one that I have been wearing for at least 10 years. This is my back up suit for the pool in my condo, which destroys every bathing suit I buy. The new ones last a couple months , tops, I go to the pool every morning for aqua fit class (ok... so it is me with my ipod and good intentions for a grueling work out) works for me ...insert smiley face here. This back up suit is a brand name Nike’ suit, the innards are shredded but hanging in there (they weren’t made of polyester) , the suit is still a deep blue and ugly as sin, but then no one uses this pool in the early morning so I don’t care. Now where was I....hmmmm... oh , right... I was looking for my dress... lol.

 

 I do write things down , on every scrap of paper I can find , sometimes if it is really important I will jot it down on the inside of the palm of my hand.(I do have some class... I would never write it where anyone could see)  but ...I did wash my hands a couple times and forgot.....ah well. Organized people (and you know who you are) really do need to have some compassion for those of us that lack your abilities. I have recently thought about this and have come to the conclusion that you must be a happier more contented lot, you get to have ‘guilt free’ leisure time.. and much  more of it as well!!

 

 For instance you would have that extra 10 minutes that I wasted looking for a dress in purgatory. You wouldn’t have spent an hour at the motor vehicles branch sorting out the lapsed insurance on your car and them trying to find where you sent that online payment to. You probly would have had that paper bill, in hand, with the amount on it! I know it was more than a thousand but less than twelve hundred...hmmmm (turns out it was 1108.00). Oh hell... what do you mean my condo insurance is lapsed too??? Well the upside is that everything will be due now in May , when I have access to my mail and a phone,  and not January when I am away in some other Country escaping these frigid winters.

 

 See... being organized has got to be what heaven is like, being able to find whatever you want whenever you want it... (wow, that was a powerful statement, even just writing it down) I can only dream! I really admire organized people and I sincerely mean it even if I do make fun of them sometimes...  I am secretly envious! Their  dress or pants will never see purgatory,  but the biggest bonus of all is when they have free time it is really FREE.... an unorganized person will never have that, because ...well you know why...

 

 Well looky here... I did find that elusive dress, it was at the end of my bed... the side I don’t sleep on, under some folded laundry (good thing it is polyester) that made it to the end of my bed...  but not into the drawers. Geeze... now maybe I will find that paper copy of my drivers license that needs to be renewed by tomorrow !...and why didn’t I take care of that while I was at the motor vehicles and insurance place this week ...dam....

 

 ah well.... guess I'll go meet my cousin at the farmers market , there is nothing here that can’t wait for another day.....

 

 

SUPPER ...TOES AND MARIJAUNA WOES

SUPPER... TOES AND MARIJAUNA WOES

 

 Wow... you have beautiful eyelashes, I tell the pretty young girl giving me a pedicure. Well they are extensions she informs me and I wonder what I would look like with all those lashes? I decide with my wrinkles that they would look more like a family of  spiders that got caught in a web, on my face. Ah well, I have other attributes ....hmmmm....lets see...  well I'm sure it will come to me...  eventually. Her name is the same as the colour of the dress I am wearing, with an E on the end... Teale. She is newly minted from esthetician school and the luck of the draw has her doing my pedicure, while the two other experienced gals get my daughters. I will try not to make her sorry she got the old lady that doesn’t shut up, and pry's into her life... and I'll also try not to make her ears bleed. My Mothers day gift is this all girls pedicure event after a delightful supper overlooking The Legends golf course in Warman.

 

   On the terrace at The Legends we put away our phones .. well one of us keeps hers on the table, but uses it sparingly. The food ordered , we each picked something different, we settled into our drinks. My two daughters (well one is a daughter in law... but I have decided to drop that moniker... it is unnecessary and feels foreign every time I use it, she feels like one of my own anyway.. SO ‘POOF’ IT IS GONE!) they  look really nice and have dressed for the occasion.

 

  My entrée is a ginger beef stir-fry with rice , it is fresh and has the ‘eye appeal’ sooo important with food, presentation is everything...  because if it doesn’t look good chances are you are not going to enjoy it much either. I ate the whole dish with my chopsticks ... even the rice, I am very proud of this accomplishment... no one notices but me... ah well. One daughter has the special which included the ‘made in house’ mushroom soup which she deemed so good she just wished there were more mushrooms in it, she would have loved it even more. My other daughter has the penne pasta which she deemed excellent. We discussed the menus and agree it would be nice if they could be a little more adventurous. I love my ‘Caesar ‘ drink served in a jar, it was spiced perfectly! ok... so I had two....yep... that good!

 

 The desserts were all made ’in house’ which is a treat because, as being caterers we know the desserts in most restaurants are not! We see them at the food shows and have ordered them ourselves  ...  we do have signature items... like our pineapple s’mores bars , the chocolate and caramel ponds and a sinfully delicious almond, butter cheesecake square. We order a warm apple crisp cobbler and a layered cake made along the coffee crisp chocolate bar theme. They were both good and I loved the layered cake! The meal at The Legends was excellent as were the drinks and the ambiance. We really enjoyed the whole experience and decide we have to eat here again .BTW breakfasts looked really adventurous!

 

 Back in my pedicure chair in The Dahlia Salon and spa in Martensville we are sipping wine (our own which the girls brought) and enjoying being pampered in our own private room. The girls doing our pedicures are very friendly and one of them , Dana, is a massage therapist and I suggest to Teale to look over at her and copy the massage moves she is giving my daughter. Well it is like this...  being over sixty, I am just brimming with unsolicited advice and wisdom. But I don’t know everything, and  I ask if anyone knows where I can get a marijuana seed.  Well honestly, you would think I just asked if anyone knew how to rob a bank... geeze! It is not like I am going to smoke it for crying out loud... I quit smoking nine years ago!! I just want one seed or two to grow one plant! I would maybe just use it to bake a few cookies or something as an experiment. Yes, I was a child from the seventies and did try it once but it was a non-event and now I am a little curious.

 

 Well these girls are reading me the riot act and are going on and on and I am doing my best to not do the rolly eyes and insist they must know where to get one lousy seed!! Then one of them says “well if you get caught with it (I don’t plan on dealing drugs for gods sakes!) you will have a criminal record... and won’t be able to go across the border!” This immediately gets my attention... ah well .... it is not like I was that serious about it anyway. It was just a casual conversation with a friend of mine, and we were discussing the merits of different relaxation techniques to relieve stress and aid sleeping. Guess the prescription hard core drugs will have to suffice..... sigh... it was only one seed!

 

  hmmmm I haven’t talked to my brother in a long time ... he had a whole garden of plants he inherited one time when he bought this house in Vancouver......

 

 

 

marilyn monroe and me

Marilyn Monroe died in her thirties and for some reason I thought that would be a good age to die... before you got too old.( I was sixteen ) When you are that young anyone over twenty is suspect. When I was eighteen I hit it off with a new friend, I asked her age one day and was shocked that she was twenty five! I remember thinking ... omg... she is OLD !

 As thirty came closer for me so did motherhood, and once you have a child , the most important birthdays will become theirs. Well meaning older people warned me to enjoy them because they will grow up too fast , why didn't I pay attention? They didn't tell me about regretting time lost or frittered away. If I had it to do again I would work less and play more (with my kids). To make up for our birthdays becoming less significant we now have a day all to ourselves called Mother's Day. That's a 'time out' day from what ever crisis is happening , looming or just passing. Enjoy it... milk it... savour it... it's only one day, make it count....

 Marilyns age came and went and I couldn't even imagine that I once thought that would be a good age to die! The thirties were a blur of working, raising kids, running my own business. I do remember getting close to forty and living my age, older by one year, than I actually was ... now how did that happen?? I was somewhat pissed about that but then again I got to live that year over again at the same age. 

Then came my forties ... omg... it was official , once in your forties your life is half over. Why were the forties a blur as well? Work and raising teens, now there's a job that will age you faster and take years off your life to boot! I actually went through a mini 'change of life' mid forties and painted the whole inside of my house. Dark green here , a russet colour there , bright yellow in the kitchen , orange downstairs... and I just didn't quit until I did the whole house, no wall was safe from my paint brush! Whew.... that felt so good... I would have knocked down a wall or two had I known how to. It still feels good when I think about it. (dark green became the rage three years later )

 The big five 0 was the most traumatic birthday of my life , the tears and the melancholy were almost unbearable. How did I get to be so old so fast? Where had the time gone... those older people were right, my kids were grown up already... and how did that happen so fast? Another strange thing was happening... along the way our parents were getting younger as we aged. Oh yes... we were catching up with them !My fifties passed while I was in a holding pattern. Life happened around me and I felt the best part of it was gone and something was missing. I was very unhappy with my life but lacked the courage to change it. Always working, not working was not an option and being self employed running a business is the hardest work of all... your job is never done.

Oh sweet sixty... I actually celebrated this birthday with a sense of relief. I was finally free of perceived hang ups and protocols and ... and... there are NO RULES when you turn SIXTY ! You are on your own, you are officially and old person free to express your opinion about anything and everything. You are free to be who you are, I really didn't care what anyone thought and I started to make changes in my life. The changes started off small... my outlook on life started to change and before I knew it , I was out of my holding pattern and charting my own course. I said goodbye to my marriage of forty years. Sold the family business to the kids, moved into a condo and started to explore the world. Today is the anniversary of my freedom, it is also my birthday. Now how was I to know , all those years ago, that my sixties was going to be the best time of my life? I am soooo excited for the year ahead.... happy birthday to me!
  
 

 

MAN WANTED... THAT NEEDS FIXING

 Wanted , a man to help spend my money while you keep yours to yourself. Someone that will say ‘lets take your vehicle ‘ so you can keep yours clean (on yukky days of course). I want someone that when I ask where should we go out to eat...will say ‘you pick -you pay’!....and when I let you pick it will be somewhere cheap.

 

 Must have lots of toys , way more than one person can drive , enjoy or play with .... cars , trucks, motorcycle's , boats, trailers of all kinds, (flat decks ... enclosed...open etc.) and be on the hunt for more....! Must be discontented with what you have because there will always be something else you want. Someone that will expect everyone to admire all his stuff and if they don’t they are ‘just  jealous’.

 

 I want someone that will say ‘wtf is this’ when I make rice as a side for supper instead of potatoes. Someone THAT WILL GRUNT when asked about a meal, and will  always  point out when the eggs were not done properly at breakfast.  I especially want a man that will never say thank you when I do all the cooking. Someone that will get really cranky when they are hungry is a bonus.

 

 You must be inconsiderate and selfish and always put your needs and wants first. Someone that will hate my family and make disparaging remarks about them at any opportunity.

 

 A man that makes alcohol a big part of their life, and cannot function with out it. When we go out to a dance or a wedding or party  I want a man that will proceed to get plastered then dance with every woman in the place except me. Someone that will embarrass and humiliate  me. When you do dance with me I want you to yank me around the floor and squeeze my hand so tight it hurts and when I complain squeeze it tighter!

 

I want someone that will ignore my tears when I cry , never hug me when I need it (never hug me period!) and someone that will forget what kissing is all about. A man that will never give a  compliment or say ‘you look nice’ is a bonus.

 

but most of all I want a man when asked if he loves me says...” well I sleep with you ... don’t I ?”

 

I also want someone that is prone to rages and will fly into one at any time over something long forgotten.  Someone that will make me wish that killing was not a capital offence, and suicide was not the only way out.

 

I guess I want someone that really hates me so I can futilely practice my skills at making them love me.

 

If you happen to be this man or if you know some one that fits this description please give them my number

 

1 800 SHOVE Off !!  Find someone else to ‘fix’ you.

 

 

 

 

dementia....a true love story

 
....did you ever have a fight that made you think about your marriage and if this is gonna work? I ask my frail aunt living with the debilitating symptoms of dementia. Well....it wasn't really a fight, but I did have a confrontation with him about his job once, she replied. My uncle had a great job working on the 'dew line' (a government position of defense) up north that required him to be away from home for long periods. He came home on one of his weeks off and I just told him he couldn't go back to work...she replied.. see...the kids didn't know who he was when he came home and I didn't like that, she continued. What did he do I asked? Well ...I think at first he didn't think I was serious but we didn't fight about it because it was a fact and I just stated it, she said quietly! My soft spoken Aunt  is so calm , I very seldom have seen her angry ....ever. These two are my favorite aunt and uncle and they have shown me such dedication and caring towards each other that I have never seen in anyone else.

  My uncle never had to do anything in the house, like washing clothes or cooking or cleaning. My aunt held down a fulltime job and my cousins , they had twin girls and an older brother and sister, were a handful. I'm sure he did other stuff I guess because it takes two people to make a marriage work. My aunt always seemed to take a special interest in me when I was younger because my mom had six of us to raise after she left my dad when I was twelve, the oldest. I think she felt sorry for me because I was always looking after my brothers and sisters my youngest brother was only a baby. They lived close and I liked spending time there (away from all those kids...lol). I also looked up to my Uncle , he is only 7 years older than me, but he was always my idol. 

  What are you two talking , about my uncle asks,  from the kitchen where he is making lunch for us. All your shortcomings I answer back with a laugh. You know , my aunt lowers her voice...he is so good to me , I've told him he doesn't have to do all this, she says. He won't even listen to the idea of putting me in a home...she says with such devotion. She is right , my uncle doesn't even consider this an option. At each stage of development of this insidious disease he tackles it singlehandedly along with my aunt with grace and such humour. Maybe that is the saving grace , we laugh a lot during my visit. My aunt has a new development, there is nothing wrong with her eyes but the disease has short-circuited signals to her brain and she is losing her ability to see.


  Years ago my uncle took up scuba diving and my aunt is deathly afraid of water. He always patiently held her hand while in the water and never left her side until she was comfortable beside him. Her eyesight was so poor that  she couldn't see all the colourful fauna and fish while snorkeling because she couldn't wear her glasses, so he figured out a way for her to see. He had a mask special made for her with the glass finely ground to aid her eyesight! He cared that she should enjoy as well, all that he could see.

  Ok...are you two ready for lunch? he calls out from the kitchen. He helps my aunt out of the easy chair and she puts a hand on his shoulder and follows him to the kitchen. Think we should go to the bathroom he says? oh ..why not , she replys and says to me "we do everything together now" laughing! As we are seated she tells me how this once useless man around a washing machine now does everything around the house. How does my hair look, she says...I say not good and they both bust out laughing. I am kidding of course, he washes and blow drys her hair everyday! She has shoulder length blonde/grey hair.



My aunt is so funny and we laugh out loud about all the dumb things that pop up  and some poignant ones as well. We reminisce about our younger days (I am growing older along with them) how she borrowed grampas car and her and I went looking for my friends to celebrate my 16th birthday because she thought I deserved to have a party and she was determined to give me one! Every girl should have a 16th birthday party she said .... (see, we lived on welfare because my dad didn't send support money to my mom) so we maybe didn't have money for anything else but basics I guess.



Was there any indication that anything was wrong or what was your first sign of maybe something wasn't right ...I ask them now... because I am curious . Well , my uncle pipes up, I came home for supper one night and she has this wonderful casserole with a thick spaghetti like sauce in it. I eat it he continues but I   think there is something missing but don’t say anything , next day I ask  her if there is anything else that should maybe be in this sauce and she says no..... and then she burst out laughing and said Gee...I forgot to put the noodles in ! Well we all laugh at that and I marvel at my uncles desire not to be disrespectful to her cooking ...omg , that is too funny!    When this disease first got diagnosed my aunt and uncle decided to go and do and see everything they could before it would become difficult to do so. They travelled to many different countries either flying or cruising, travelling as much as they could and they made incredible memories. They did it right I think to myself...enjoy today and do it ...don't wait until it is too late and circumstance makes it impossible.
     I tell her I will never forget when I was 13 yrs old and a well to do aunt from my dads side had invited me back with them to Ontario to spend a couple weeks vacation, I was so excited ! My mom said a flat out no...you don't even have a suitcase ...and I am NOT sending you to her with your clothes in a bag (I think she was embarrassed )! I remind my aunt how she  came through for me ... and lent me her really nice suitcase and I think she even made sure I had something nice to put in it (I just remember the suitcase and how happy I was that she made it possible for me to go). Her suitcase came back worse for wear and she scolded me (she didn't remember that ) and I felt sooo bad , but she also forgave me.    




We settle back into the living room while my uncle does the cleaning. So did he go back up north I ask my aunt .... she looked at me and said no....not even for one more rotation.. he stayed home and found a job back here . Wow... it was just a fact and sometimes you need to do what you need to do for the well being of all. I give my aunt a really big hug and tell her how much I love her as tears flow from my eyes as they are right now.

 What were you two talking about in the living room my uncle asks me as I am leaving ..."oh" I say " I am going to write a story about you two" ....I tell him, "and I will send it to you" as I give him a big hug and tell him how much I love him too.

Yesterday , May 5th my uncle Gary and Auntie Marilyn celebrated 52 years of marriage!

this is a true love story

a little update from my Uncle Gary 

Although completely bedridden now.....She still knows everybody and is aware of what goes on around her. She hears everything and still laughs quite a bit, especially when the great grandchildren are over. She never gets grouchy and never complains, I am so very proud of her.
 

....

 

the wetness

The wetness

 starts with thoughts of you

your touch

your kisses...

and comes unbidden

to fill my eyes

with such a sadness

I feel I shall drown

in all this sorrow

then my thoughts turn once more

to the exquisite pleasure of your body

in mine

and I get wet all over again

in the memory

of you