MAN WANTED... THAT NEEDS FIXING

 Wanted , a man to help spend my money while you keep yours to yourself. Someone that will say ‘lets take your vehicle ‘ so you can keep yours clean (on yukky days of course). I want someone that when I ask where should we go out to eat...will say ‘you pick -you pay’!....and when I let you pick it will be somewhere cheap.

 

 Must have lots of toys , way more than one person can drive , enjoy or play with .... cars , trucks, motorcycle's , boats, trailers of all kinds, (flat decks ... enclosed...open etc.) and be on the hunt for more....! Must be discontented with what you have because there will always be something else you want. Someone that will expect everyone to admire all his stuff and if they don’t they are ‘just  jealous’.

 

 I want someone that will say ‘wtf is this’ when I make rice as a side for supper instead of potatoes. Someone THAT WILL GRUNT when asked about a meal, and will  always  point out when the eggs were not done properly at breakfast.  I especially want a man that will never say thank you when I do all the cooking. Someone that will get really cranky when they are hungry is a bonus.

 

 You must be inconsiderate and selfish and always put your needs and wants first. Someone that will hate my family and make disparaging remarks about them at any opportunity.

 

 A man that makes alcohol a big part of their life, and cannot function with out it. When we go out to a dance or a wedding or party  I want a man that will proceed to get plastered then dance with every woman in the place except me. Someone that will embarrass and humiliate  me. When you do dance with me I want you to yank me around the floor and squeeze my hand so tight it hurts and when I complain squeeze it tighter!

 

I want someone that will ignore my tears when I cry , never hug me when I need it (never hug me period!) and someone that will forget what kissing is all about. A man that will never give a  compliment or say ‘you look nice’ is a bonus.

 

but most of all I want a man when asked if he loves me says...” well I sleep with you ... don’t I ?”

 

I also want someone that is prone to rages and will fly into one at any time over something long forgotten.  Someone that will make me wish that killing was not a capital offence, and suicide was not the only way out.

 

I guess I want someone that really hates me so I can futilely practice my skills at making them love me.

 

If you happen to be this man or if you know some one that fits this description please give them my number

 

1 800 SHOVE Off !!  Find someone else to ‘fix’ you.