marilyn monroe and me

Marilyn Monroe died in her thirties and for some reason I thought that would be a good age to die... before you got too old.( I was sixteen ) When you are that young anyone over twenty is suspect. When I was eighteen I hit it off with a new friend, I asked her age one day and was shocked that she was twenty five! I remember thinking ... omg... she is OLD !

 As thirty came closer for me so did motherhood, and once you have a child , the most important birthdays will become theirs. Well meaning older people warned me to enjoy them because they will grow up too fast , why didn't I pay attention? They didn't tell me about regretting time lost or frittered away. If I had it to do again I would work less and play more (with my kids). To make up for our birthdays becoming less significant we now have a day all to ourselves called Mother's Day. That's a 'time out' day from what ever crisis is happening , looming or just passing. Enjoy it... milk it... savour it... it's only one day, make it count....

 Marilyns age came and went and I couldn't even imagine that I once thought that would be a good age to die! The thirties were a blur of working, raising kids, running my own business. I do remember getting close to forty and living my age, older by one year, than I actually was ... now how did that happen?? I was somewhat pissed about that but then again I got to live that year over again at the same age. 

Then came my forties ... omg... it was official , once in your forties your life is half over. Why were the forties a blur as well? Work and raising teens, now there's a job that will age you faster and take years off your life to boot! I actually went through a mini 'change of life' mid forties and painted the whole inside of my house. Dark green here , a russet colour there , bright yellow in the kitchen , orange downstairs... and I just didn't quit until I did the whole house, no wall was safe from my paint brush! Whew.... that felt so good... I would have knocked down a wall or two had I known how to. It still feels good when I think about it. (dark green became the rage three years later )

 The big five 0 was the most traumatic birthday of my life , the tears and the melancholy were almost unbearable. How did I get to be so old so fast? Where had the time gone... those older people were right, my kids were grown up already... and how did that happen so fast? Another strange thing was happening... along the way our parents were getting younger as we aged. Oh yes... we were catching up with them !My fifties passed while I was in a holding pattern. Life happened around me and I felt the best part of it was gone and something was missing. I was very unhappy with my life but lacked the courage to change it. Always working, not working was not an option and being self employed running a business is the hardest work of all... your job is never done.

Oh sweet sixty... I actually celebrated this birthday with a sense of relief. I was finally free of perceived hang ups and protocols and ... and... there are NO RULES when you turn SIXTY ! You are on your own, you are officially and old person free to express your opinion about anything and everything. You are free to be who you are, I really didn't care what anyone thought and I started to make changes in my life. The changes started off small... my outlook on life started to change and before I knew it , I was out of my holding pattern and charting my own course. I said goodbye to my marriage of forty years. Sold the family business to the kids, moved into a condo and started to explore the world. Today is the anniversary of my freedom, it is also my birthday. Now how was I to know , all those years ago, that my sixties was going to be the best time of my life? I am soooo excited for the year ahead.... happy birthday to me!
  
 

 

MAN WANTED... THAT NEEDS FIXING

 Wanted , a man to help spend my money while you keep yours to yourself. Someone that will say ‘lets take your vehicle ‘ so you can keep yours clean (on yukky days of course). I want someone that when I ask where should we go out to eat...will say ‘you pick -you pay’!....and when I let you pick it will be somewhere cheap.

 

 Must have lots of toys , way more than one person can drive , enjoy or play with .... cars , trucks, motorcycle's , boats, trailers of all kinds, (flat decks ... enclosed...open etc.) and be on the hunt for more....! Must be discontented with what you have because there will always be something else you want. Someone that will expect everyone to admire all his stuff and if they don’t they are ‘just  jealous’.

 

 I want someone that will say ‘wtf is this’ when I make rice as a side for supper instead of potatoes. Someone THAT WILL GRUNT when asked about a meal, and will  always  point out when the eggs were not done properly at breakfast.  I especially want a man that will never say thank you when I do all the cooking. Someone that will get really cranky when they are hungry is a bonus.

 

 You must be inconsiderate and selfish and always put your needs and wants first. Someone that will hate my family and make disparaging remarks about them at any opportunity.

 

 A man that makes alcohol a big part of their life, and cannot function with out it. When we go out to a dance or a wedding or party  I want a man that will proceed to get plastered then dance with every woman in the place except me. Someone that will embarrass and humiliate  me. When you do dance with me I want you to yank me around the floor and squeeze my hand so tight it hurts and when I complain squeeze it tighter!

 

I want someone that will ignore my tears when I cry , never hug me when I need it (never hug me period!) and someone that will forget what kissing is all about. A man that will never give a  compliment or say ‘you look nice’ is a bonus.

 

but most of all I want a man when asked if he loves me says...” well I sleep with you ... don’t I ?”

 

I also want someone that is prone to rages and will fly into one at any time over something long forgotten.  Someone that will make me wish that killing was not a capital offence, and suicide was not the only way out.

 

I guess I want someone that really hates me so I can futilely practice my skills at making them love me.

 

If you happen to be this man or if you know some one that fits this description please give them my number

 

1 800 SHOVE Off !!  Find someone else to ‘fix’ you.

 

 

 

 

dementia....a true love story

 
....did you ever have a fight that made you think about your marriage and if this is gonna work? I ask my frail aunt living with the debilitating symptoms of dementia. Well....it wasn't really a fight, but I did have a confrontation with him about his job once, she replied. My uncle had a great job working on the 'dew line' (a government position of defense) up north that required him to be away from home for long periods. He came home on one of his weeks off and I just told him he couldn't go back to work...she replied.. see...the kids didn't know who he was when he came home and I didn't like that, she continued. What did he do I asked? Well ...I think at first he didn't think I was serious but we didn't fight about it because it was a fact and I just stated it, she said quietly! My soft spoken Aunt  is so calm , I very seldom have seen her angry ....ever. These two are my favorite aunt and uncle and they have shown me such dedication and caring towards each other that I have never seen in anyone else.

  My uncle never had to do anything in the house, like washing clothes or cooking or cleaning. My aunt held down a fulltime job and my cousins , they had twin girls and an older brother and sister, were a handful. I'm sure he did other stuff I guess because it takes two people to make a marriage work. My aunt always seemed to take a special interest in me when I was younger because my mom had six of us to raise after she left my dad when I was twelve, the oldest. I think she felt sorry for me because I was always looking after my brothers and sisters my youngest brother was only a baby. They lived close and I liked spending time there (away from all those kids...lol). I also looked up to my Uncle , he is only 7 years older than me, but he was always my idol. 

  What are you two talking , about my uncle asks,  from the kitchen where he is making lunch for us. All your shortcomings I answer back with a laugh. You know , my aunt lowers her voice...he is so good to me , I've told him he doesn't have to do all this, she says. He won't even listen to the idea of putting me in a home...she says with such devotion. She is right , my uncle doesn't even consider this an option. At each stage of development of this insidious disease he tackles it singlehandedly along with my aunt with grace and such humour. Maybe that is the saving grace , we laugh a lot during my visit. My aunt has a new development, there is nothing wrong with her eyes but the disease has short-circuited signals to her brain and she is losing her ability to see.


  Years ago my uncle took up scuba diving and my aunt is deathly afraid of water. He always patiently held her hand while in the water and never left her side until she was comfortable beside him. Her eyesight was so poor that  she couldn't see all the colourful fauna and fish while snorkeling because she couldn't wear her glasses, so he figured out a way for her to see. He had a mask special made for her with the glass finely ground to aid her eyesight! He cared that she should enjoy as well, all that he could see.

  Ok...are you two ready for lunch? he calls out from the kitchen. He helps my aunt out of the easy chair and she puts a hand on his shoulder and follows him to the kitchen. Think we should go to the bathroom he says? oh ..why not , she replys and says to me "we do everything together now" laughing! As we are seated she tells me how this once useless man around a washing machine now does everything around the house. How does my hair look, she says...I say not good and they both bust out laughing. I am kidding of course, he washes and blow drys her hair everyday! She has shoulder length blonde/grey hair.



My aunt is so funny and we laugh out loud about all the dumb things that pop up  and some poignant ones as well. We reminisce about our younger days (I am growing older along with them) how she borrowed grampas car and her and I went looking for my friends to celebrate my 16th birthday because she thought I deserved to have a party and she was determined to give me one! Every girl should have a 16th birthday party she said .... (see, we lived on welfare because my dad didn't send support money to my mom) so we maybe didn't have money for anything else but basics I guess.



Was there any indication that anything was wrong or what was your first sign of maybe something wasn't right ...I ask them now... because I am curious . Well , my uncle pipes up, I came home for supper one night and she has this wonderful casserole with a thick spaghetti like sauce in it. I eat it he continues but I   think there is something missing but don’t say anything , next day I ask  her if there is anything else that should maybe be in this sauce and she says no..... and then she burst out laughing and said Gee...I forgot to put the noodles in ! Well we all laugh at that and I marvel at my uncles desire not to be disrespectful to her cooking ...omg , that is too funny!    When this disease first got diagnosed my aunt and uncle decided to go and do and see everything they could before it would become difficult to do so. They travelled to many different countries either flying or cruising, travelling as much as they could and they made incredible memories. They did it right I think to myself...enjoy today and do it ...don't wait until it is too late and circumstance makes it impossible.
     I tell her I will never forget when I was 13 yrs old and a well to do aunt from my dads side had invited me back with them to Ontario to spend a couple weeks vacation, I was so excited ! My mom said a flat out no...you don't even have a suitcase ...and I am NOT sending you to her with your clothes in a bag (I think she was embarrassed )! I remind my aunt how she  came through for me ... and lent me her really nice suitcase and I think she even made sure I had something nice to put in it (I just remember the suitcase and how happy I was that she made it possible for me to go). Her suitcase came back worse for wear and she scolded me (she didn't remember that ) and I felt sooo bad , but she also forgave me.    




We settle back into the living room while my uncle does the cleaning. So did he go back up north I ask my aunt .... she looked at me and said no....not even for one more rotation.. he stayed home and found a job back here . Wow... it was just a fact and sometimes you need to do what you need to do for the well being of all. I give my aunt a really big hug and tell her how much I love her as tears flow from my eyes as they are right now.

 What were you two talking about in the living room my uncle asks me as I am leaving ..."oh" I say " I am going to write a story about you two" ....I tell him, "and I will send it to you" as I give him a big hug and tell him how much I love him too.

Yesterday , May 5th my uncle Gary and Auntie Marilyn celebrated 52 years of marriage!

this is a true love story

a little update from my Uncle Gary 

Although completely bedridden now.....She still knows everybody and is aware of what goes on around her. She hears everything and still laughs quite a bit, especially when the great grandchildren are over. She never gets grouchy and never complains, I am so very proud of her.
 

....

 

the wetness

The wetness

 starts with thoughts of you

your touch

your kisses...

and comes unbidden

to fill my eyes

with such a sadness

I feel I shall drown

in all this sorrow

then my thoughts turn once more

to the exquisite pleasure of your body

in mine

and I get wet all over again

in the memory

of you

Fernie road trip , missing sauasages

missing sausages ???

 

 The mountains and beautiful scenery of Fernie British Columbia were promising to make this road trip a fun adventure. I needed to finish up my business dealings with an Italian couple that resided there. They possessed the title to the property I was buying in Arizona... without that title you don’t own squat!

 

 Picking up my travel buddy girlfriend , Sharon, we set off to Calgary from Edmonton (Sharons stomping grounds). We ended up in Okotoks Alberta where Sharons son bought us supper at a trendy place called just ‘George’! This place was packed and maybe ‘wing night’ and the Stanley cup hockey series had something to do with that.  

 

 Now Okotoks is really a name that defies description, but it is  derived from the Blackfoot Native nation describing a big rock formation that was left as a landmark from  the worlds largest known erratic glacier ...bet ya didn’t know that! Something else that isn’t well known is that little ole Okotoks has north Americas first solar heated community built in 2007! These 52 houses have 800 solar panels on their roofs collecting energy to be used for heating.  2012 this community achieved a world record by managing a 97%  solar fraction....meaning they heated all their homes for a whole year (this is snow country remember) 97% by solar! Pretty good huh?

 

 Sharons son has a best friend that owns an old Victorian house  operating a bed and breakfast so we decided to spend the night there. Lots of antiques which I am really not a fan of but this is much better than a sterile hotel room. Diane the owner is a friend of Sharons as well and she makes us feel welcome and right at home . There are even real original chenille bedspreads on our beds. I guess I could describe the antiques but they hold no interest for me ...much more interesting is the solar community and the big ole rock formation 4 miles west of town.

 

  I was up early doing my emails in our own little cozy space at the top of the stairs that also serves as a eating area when Diane pops her head in to say she is bringing us breakfast. Sharon is now up and we are enjoying the coffee and fresh fruit Diane has delivered to us. Our lovely breakfast arrives in the form of scrambled eggs and little fat breakfast sausages along with wholewheat toast . I glance up when I hear a hissing sound.... wth? It is Sharon whispering to me from across the table (Sharon never whispers anything) “what?” I say?

 

 ”Do you like sausages?” she hisses again... “well uh...yes I guess”  I say. “I can’t eat these !!!” she hisses ... ‘why?’ I hiss back....! “Because when I was pregnant with Nick I got really sick after eating sausages and I can’t eat pork sausages to this day!”  “you can’t NOT eat them “ I hiss back. See , I think that would be so rude because Diane went to all this trouble to make us such a nice breakfast. BUT  now after eating one myself I realize she has put a little syrup glaze on em and I don’t want to eat them either...oh crap ! Now what are we gonna do ?

 

 Sharon hisses “lets flush em down the toilet!”  and right away I have visions of these little suckers floating and not going down....”no way!” I hiss back ....”I am not picking em outta the toilet if they don’t flush!”. I apologize to Diane when she comes to check on our progress and ask for ketchup. (see I think if we smear them with ketchup we can get em down.) She brings the ketchup and I manage to eat all but one and Sharon manages half of one before she starts to gag.

 

 We agree we need to get rid of them so we don’t hurt her feelings. Sharon goes into our bedroom and comes back with a little plastic baggie and we hurriedly shove the rest of the sausages into it. She disappears back into the bedroom and when she comes out I ask her what she did with them. “ I stuck them in my shoe” she hisses at me.....omg and wth? I snort coffee out my nose from laughing! Why would she stick em in her shoe...like really ? ....now we are both laughing so hard we have tears in our eyes..... Diane comes in and clears our clean plates and we rave about the breakfast and we contain ourselves as best we can.

 

 I wish I had a real cool ending for this story but I don’t. We are back on our way to Fernie when I ask her where the sausages got to ....she says “I ended up flushing them down the toilet...and they went down!” I glance down at her feet and say ...ya know your toes kinda look like.... “just shut up ” she hisses at me....lol 

 

 

 

Pacific coast pillows

Have you ever slept on a cloud?  Sears...... customer satisfaction guaranteed ?? maybe not!

 

 I hit the down pillow I was returning, with my hand, and feathers fly everywhere and onto the face of the assistant manager. A feather lodged on the side of his nose and he did not blink. His face was set into a ‘I am not budging from my position look’ and he looked to be no more than a teenager ..... I confess I was tempted to hit the pillow again ...ok... so I did! We now had feathers everywhere and baby faced assistant manager was starting to crack...good! He was trying  to gather up feathers but these expensive little white goose down feathers were so light and fluffy they defied capture! ...and I should know because I was still finding the odd feathers a week later in my bedroom. Time to call in the general manager of Sears... baby face punches numbers into phone and spits out under his breath , but I hear him “I need help ...NOW’.

 

 This all started the day I bought these down pillows ....ok I need to back up just a bit. I spent a fantastic week  in New Orleans last year made even better or maybe it was the best part, at La Pavillon hotel . This is the  oldest hotel in New Orleans and is  restored to its original glory complete with the glass chandeliers and ghosts on the fifth floor. They have a tradition of serving milk and peanut butter sandwiches every evening in the beautifully appointed lobby (who does that ) ? they have exquisitely dressed doormen and period furniture and ...and.... Everything about this hotel reeked history and opulence as well as good old-fashioned top notch service. I love that hotel which was, btw ,the hotel used in filming ‘The Butler’ ... I recognized it right away!

 

 So I am fussy about pillows and have on occasion taken my own on trips. I  need to have a really good downfilled pillow to get a good nights sleep. This fantastic hotel had the best pillows I have ever slept on. Towards the end of my stay I decided to investigate and ripped off the pillowcase to discover the brand name was Pacific Coast Pillows. So back home I happened to be shopping in Sears one  day when sales gal asks me what I am looking for, I say pillows and specifically Pacific Coast brand. Well... she says we have them and they are on sale right now! These are two hundred dollar pillows ...omg... insert choking noises here ! I would never pay that much for a pillow , but I am in luck... they are on for half price....omg.... I have never paid a hundred dollars for a pillow either! I bite the bullet and buy the pillow and guess what ...? THIS PILLOW HAS AN EIGHT YEAR GUARANTEE ! Has any of you ever seen a guarantee on pillows? .. me either.

 

 Ok back to my story , I am in love with this pillow and obsessed ...it goes everywhere with me. I have a cabin at the lake so I purchase a few more of these pillows (always on sale...lol) . They have shorter ones and different comfort levels for different types of sleepers ...oh ya... these are high tech pillows! All of them have the guarantee ...lifetime guarantee on the feathers (not sure what is involved there though). btw ...even if you are allergic ...this company claims that the down feathers are put through  a very strict  cleaning process which removes all the allergens and leaves you with this soft fluffly down.  Soooo anyway , I removed my pillowcase for cleaning last week and all these light fluffy feathers flew out with the pillow ... not thinking straight I turn pillow inside out and omg... it is snowing in my bedroom...dumb move. Turns out the seam has come apart... and so my journey begins on the  ’too good to be true’  guarantee.

 

 I guess this is maybe a lesson in customer service..... Sears LOGO is...’ CUSTOMER SATIFACTION GUARANTEED ‘  ....BUT...  they should have added for 30 days only or 3 months if you have a sears card! Baby face tells me I need to send the pillow back to the manufacturer .... I tell baby face that I bought the pillow at Sears and I am not shipping anything back anywhere ...I only do emails.  I expected a new pillow but I say I will settle for him shipping the pillow back and call me when it is fixed. Now I am looking straight at the big sign at the till that says customer satisfaction guaranteed and I point it out to him but he is not budging... except to gather feathers. oh...and he also gave me the rolly eye look.... BIG Mistake (ok so that was when I hit the pillow....again).

 

 General manager comes to his rescue , she basically recites same policy as him but she is older and wiser and probly realizes that I have taken a stance and am not backing down anytime soon . See... we are talking about a two hundred dollar pillow here (doesn’t matter that I got it on sale) with an 8 yr guarantee...what would you do? She finally agrees to ship the pillow back for me after once more explaining about the 30 day crap.... thank you!.... and that is all I really wanted.

 

 So boys and girls..... let this be a lesson in customer service.... Customer Service Guaranteed for 30 days only at Sears or three months if you have a sears card! read the fine print......

 

a little side note here.... I will not give up my Pacific Coast pillows !!! I am married to them ...I just need to take em in for maintenance maybe... lol